But it's not necessary

The biggest sucker deal in retail.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Fushing feefs

  What is the deal with motel/hotel towels? It's such a cliché that people steal them -- who would want them? I suppose once upon a time they were very nice, and probably still are in better hotels than I stayed at; but from the abrasive drying I did over the last 10 days I'd say the hotels have figured out a way around all the thievery. First of all, they are like burlap; only scratchier. Second, they are extraordinarily white; whatever armadillo hair fabric they use certainly stands up to constant, intense bleaching. I mention the armadillo hair with no previous knowledge concerning armadillos and their hair or lack thereof, but these things were certainly not made from cotton or any other plant fiber. They were reasonably absorbent but left chafe marks on my less-than-delicate skin. I can only imagine what they would do to someone softer. Keep in mind these were not necessarily the cheapest rooms available, mostly they were the closest to the exits when we were too road-weary to go on any further, yet the towels were identical in every room we stayed in.

  I just don't get the stealing of towels, not to mention ashtrays and anything else that isn't nailed down. I have matching towels, (they match each other, but nothing else), that cost very little in the grand scheme of things - Why on earth would I want blinding white towels that would darken over time to remind me what a bad launderer I am? Worse yet is the stolen towels with the name of the hotel stitched on them. Do you hide them from visitors, or proudly display your lack of morals? I know some luxury hotels sell the robes and towels and other items provided in their rooms, but if you are shelling out over 5 bills a night you can afford a decorator to advise you against outfitting your home in hotel service accoutrements. New money always puts bumper stickers on their E-classes.

  One room had a sticker on the television remote advising that it would only work with 'commercial' televisions. The next room had a universal remote very similar to one I used to have that worked 2 vcrs and a tv. It was just begging to be stolen, but it survived the night with me. One room didn't have a remote; either it was waiting to be replaced or they had given up. Years ago, I stayed in a motel with the remote bolted to the nightstand between the beds. That was genius, if a bit nerve-wracking.

  I've spoken about my cousin Flem before, this is the guy they are looking out for with all the scratchy towels and bolted-down remotes. Society as a whole owes him a living, and anything within reach is ripe for the taking, so I am well aware that these precautions are not unreasonable. I once had dinner within him in a diner and he proceeded to pocket half of the silverware. Really. The kind of shit you can buy by the dozen place settings for $5 from any store with 'dollar' in its name. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that it's taken for granted that your average citizen is an unscrupulous looter on the prowl. It still saddens me that people can live that way, with no conscience, as they tap their stolen cigars in their stolen ashtrays as they flip the channels on their stolen televisions with their stolen remote controls.

  Other than the hotel room sadness, I had a good trip, surprised some people, took some photos. All of the photos are about 50% or smaller, if you want one full size just email me and ask for it. I had no way of viewing them as we traveled, other than my 1.5 screen, but some of them are quite good, especially since most of them were taken through the glass from a moving vehicle. My opinion, of course, take a look for yourself. Click that pic up the top there, the map.

  The pictures were supposed to be in order from West to East, but Flickr and I didn't see eye to eye on that. They are less disorderly in the sets, but still effed up.

Duty Freebie: I haven't been online much, so today it will be a blog that is new to me. Creepy Lesbo doesn't archive so you got to get 'em while they're hot! This is likely the funniest masturbation-related-injury story I have ever read.

  I just realized that I have an ashtray in this very house from the Riviera hotel in Las Vegas. I've never been to Las Vegas other than the airport, I'll just assume someone purchased it. I really need to quit smoking.