But it's not necessary

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Thursday, April 13, 2006

Hey, Ponch, you might want to bank some of that

   I got nothing to say, but I feel like posting something, so I'll mock a celebrity. Celebrity in the sense that people have heard of him, not that he is or ever will be all that celebrated. Wilmer Valderrama, best known as lovable porn and candy addicted Fez on "That 70s Show", is one of those guys you just know you're going to hear about years from now when he's had his head caved in by his closest friend, left crumpled in a motel room surrounded by a pile of groupie sex vids he'd made when he was still alive and humping. And you're gonna say to yourself, "Self, I thought that guy was in prison?" I think he was on one of those MTV shows, the p'u'nkie thing, or maybe the Ride Pimper, shit, it could have been Access Hollywood; whichever it was, I've seen one of his vehicles, and if you think his jewelry (seen here in a recent appearance on "Jimmy Kimmel Live") is ostentatious, you should see his whip. We're talking chromed out black Escalade, 20" spinners, the whole nine.

  Anyway, a bit of advice he'll never read: Save some of that money Ponch, you aren't going much farther than a syndicated sitcom that airs 5 or 6 times a day. Secondly, being on a show that airs 5 or 6 times a day is pretty cool, what's with all the bling? Wasn't this guy humping Lindsay Lohan when she was still good looking (and underage, BTW)? For fuck's sake, this guy should be turning away 7s and 8s and not bothering to call back the 9s; wtf is he trying to prove dressing up like a thugstar? This is almost as funny as when David "Bud Bundy" Faustino actually recorded a rap album. Good day.

  Talking about a wannabe pimp makes me feel like pimpin', so as an apologetic offering for such lackluster postings thus far this year, go read someone funny and/or informative:

  Funwithhandgrenades is the best of the surprisingly numerous "Soldier in Iraq" blogs, by a great margin.

   Maruthecrankpot doesn't like Big Dub any more than I do, and she'll tell you why in detail (with funny pictures to boot!)

   Stefispice is a college freshman, is funny and smart, and I've been reading her since she was in the 10th grade. Tell her she's pretty (she is).

   Willam is a friggin' riot, a drag princess (too young to be a queen) that you might have seen on Nip/Tuck as Cherry Peck . Tell him he's pretty. (I don't like him in that way, NTTAWWT.) I said good day.


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