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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Adobe is a great car made out of clay, but a crap pile of an application

I don't even know how this thing got to be used everywhere. It drags the resources of any computing device naive enough to open it and there is rarely any reason to use the frig anyway. I happened to stumble across Davidology.com where David was kind enough to say everything I have to say about Adobe Acrobat, maybe better than I would have put it.

Dear Adobe Acrobat,

I hate you.

No, really. I hate you, and I never want to see you again. We're in a fight.

You see, it's bad enough that your software is woefully bloated and takes 5 hours to load the gajillion extensions you have it set to do. It's bad enough that just to view a 1-page document, my browser has to hang while your shitty software starts up. But on top of that, every time I go to view a PDF, I get some upgrade notice. Now, it would be one thing if this were actually an update.... but it isn't! It's a complete reinstall of your effing software! Have you ever heard of a patch, you sadistic f*ckheads?!

To add insult to injury, every time I install—sorry, I mean "update"—my software you install 53 icons all over my hard drive and desktop, embed yourself in every @!#(*&%* application I have, and install 12 programs to load every time I start my computer! And.... And.... as if that weren't enough, just for sh*ts and giggles I guess, you, for some unholy reason, find it necessary to reset my Internet Explorer toolbar to the default settings. Did it ever occur to you that maybe I spent 10 minutes deleting buttons and moving things so that I had everything on one row because I liked it that way?!?


Now, after finally giving in last week and installing your crappy bloatware "update," I went around and cleaned up your mess. I deleted your stupid shortcut icons, disabled your umpteen toolbars, edited my registry to stop your poorly written crapware from starting all your unnecessary TSRs. I played along. I installed your update that you insisted was so effing important. I spent the 10 minutes getting my toolbar back the way I like it. I thought for once maybe that would be it. Maybe in version 7 you'd learned something. I think it's over.

But is it over?

Oh no! It's ONE week later. ONE F*CKING WEEK LATER. ONE WEEK! I innocently choose to view a PDF, and you pop up that I need to install version ANOTHER GOLDDURN UPDATE NOTICE?!??!??!11?! ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME, YOU F*CKING LYING PIECE OF SH*T! All I wanted to do was read one lousy page. How did your crappy PDF format become the defacto internet standard, and why hasn't anyone dismantled your offices and sold the pieces for kindling?!??




P.S. Don't bother coming back to pick up your stuff. I'm burning it all.


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