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Monday, September 26, 2005

See me later ... (unless I see you first)

     Tip of the day: Don't waste your time or your long distance dimes calling to borrow money from me if you have ever tried to get me arrested. Simple enough, donchathink?

  Not too long a story, a few years ago I went out of state with two cousins, a brother and sister. We'll call them Flem and Wheezie. Wheezie (the she) was driving her car, and we went from North Cackalackkee to Geeyorga for some light 12hr/7days work at a paper plant. Wheezie proceeded to spend every night at the motel room across the street with the married man of the moment and made me late all but one of the 20 days we worked. Being late is one thing, a few minutes pay; but being late every day cost me a per deim that amounted to $48 a day. $48 A Day!! Yes, it's almost $1000, $960 to be exact!! Once the job was finished, she informed me and Flem that we would be leaving two days later, she had more carnal indulgences scheduled for the next day. Well, long story short, Flem is a drug addict and was not prone to be hanging around Geeyorga any more than I was, especially with neither a hook-up nor another drop of methadone, and I had a key to Wheezie's car. Wheezie and her weasel had gone shopping or beaching or whatever, so we drove around and tried to get Flem his check cashed for his no id having arse, I lent him money I haven't seen, and he got more and more agitated until he finally sort of flipped out screaming about not being anyone's botch and headed on down the highway. Ending the story now, she and her weasel reported the car stolen and tried to get us arrested, but we were probably in South Carolina by that time. There were angry cell calls, and threats, and she is currently stationed at whatever little shack his ex-wife allowed him in the divorce ... raising piglets while he continues to work out of town as a tube welder nailing fire-watch girls just like he always has, my best guess anyway.

   Wheezie called my house today while I was at work, spoke too slowly for the answering machine then left a second message saying she would call back at 3pm. I haven't intentionally been within a city block of her since the incident, other than through hospital stays by relatives in common, and the funeral of her ex-husband. I decided this could be humorous, and took the call. Small talk, small talk, small talk, "I am having car trouble and Weasel is out of town, and I have this job I can work, but I don't have the money to get my car from the shop."

   ROFLMAO! I throw out names of people we both know already know her too well to give her money, then I finally let her down easy.
"I suppose your calling to see if you can get money I don't have to pay for your car?"

"Well, yeah, giggle, blah blah blah."

I repeat that it sho is a shame, I wish I had it, but no go. She says she will be calling me and keeping in touch, as if we are now all better because I took her call to have a little fun with her sad little arse. No such luck, botch, I will continue to be online every evening with the dial-up until BellSouth decides to do me a solid, and then I'll be screening for you, believe that. --r-


At 1:11 PM, Blogger l.b. said...

haha! I have heard more funny relative stories lately! Makes me almost grateful that my extended family are mostly far away :-)


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